THE LUNCHBOX LAUNCH
Many of you have asked for the story but just like a doctor, to understand the case, you will need the history… read at your pleasure. The start of THE LUNCHBOX blog shares the joys, struggles, and the creativity of yours truly.
Life lesson of the month: Be careful what you pray for…
As a young girl, probably 10-13 years old, I remember an afternoon when I was overly frustrated (probably at something my brothers did) and I angrily coiled up in a corner of my bedroom. Trying to talk to the Lord, I never forgot my words: “God, why don’t you talk to me? I guess, if I am not doing something right you can make my tummy hurt or make me sick or something.” 23 years old and the Lord has used my sickness to direct my steps.. ask and you shall receive I guess.
So here I am… for those of you who don’t know I have been unable to drive or be unaccompanied for roughly 3 weeks now. Relying on people for everything is a new practice for me. You all know how bored I must be if I have resorted to writing my own blog. Furthermore, most work is off the table due to the safety hazard I have become: the random days or moments where I am mentally and physically out of it. The more I look at the details, the more I see God’s hand it everything.
Back to the story: January 18, 2024. It all started with a family death… after another day of working at the facility, I came home to my mother in a ping of sadness. Her favorite uncle had passed away, so I offered to accompany her on her trip to Texas for the funeral. Along the way, we stopped at many gas stations and food establishments. As many know, I am known for trying new drinks (non-alcoholic of course). One stop will never be forgotten. I grabbed a new, fun, healthy-looking drink off the shelf. I have always been a firm supporter of bubbly waters and I thought I had grabbed one infused with the “relaxing” hemp-based properties… a nieve sandhills girl move. It was infused with a synthetic THC. After another hour of driving, I sipped the drink and enjoyed my family until I decided to take a nap. Waking up, I remember my mind was jumping all over. Thinking I had slept and my neck wrong and irritated my brain malformation. I brushed it off but symptoms grew too strong to avoid. As we pulled into a restaurant where we planned to eat with family, I was nauseous and paranoid as the world grew fuzzy. Looking over at Mom attempting to focus and look normal, I almost begged to stay in the car to try and sleep it off. If it wasn’t for Mom asking me to get some fresh air and come in, I would have ‘fallen asleep’ in the car and been dead when they returned. I shuffled inside with blurry vision, disoriented and dizzy. I went to the bathroom and almost chose to stay in the stall, slouched on the toilet seat with my head and my hands. If I would have sat there a few moments longer… With black splotchy vision, I walked out and around the corner to hang on Dad’s shoulder. My legs were weak by this time and my chest felt heavy, “Dad, I don’t feel good.” Then the world went black and I fell into paralysis. Voices turned into drums, the world spun, the nausea heightened, and I couldn’t move my fingers or speak. With Dad there to catch me and an open bench seat, I was dragged out of the way. “This is it… I am going to die.” I thought as I felt my heart beat slower and slower and slower until I fell out of consciousness.
I’ve been known to have bradycardia and hypotension but my body couldn’t function with the slowing ingredients of the drink. Pumped with stimulants and electrolytes through an IV to increase my deathly low heart rate and bottomed-out blood pressure, I finally opened my eyes. Laying in an ambulance with muffled voices ringing in my ear and still unable to move, I worked hard to remain awake while paramedics were shuffling around the cabin, only to fall back out of consciousness again.
Many events followed, an emergency room, a paranoid family, an extensive Google history, a wake-up call, a long recovery, and an Addi who didn’t take it slow… what I like to call “episodes’ have become a normal part of life. Ya know, everyone goes slightly unconscious randomly, takes naps with a 39 bpm heart rate and 60/90 blood pressure, or becomes useless in disorientation, lost vision, dizziness, mental fog, and full body tingling… It takes time for the body, mind, events, and thoughts to catch up to a person. Being stubborn in spirit, I was stupid enough to try and return to work as soon as possible, and amid a normal slow morning in the facility, another episode struck. Pale-faced, dazed, and disoriented, I am thankful my co-worker carried me out of the facility into the hands of my father.
The history: If you know me, you know I have never been a fully functioning young adult. After multiple sicknesses, my sophomore year of college was accompanied by what I now jokingly – but seriously – identify as orthorexia: obsession with eating healthy and self-worth dependent on healthy living. I placed high standards of health on my identity as a college athlete, and when I failed to meet them I spiraled. After a month-long COVID battle of fevers, fatigue, and vomiting, intermingled with the inability to eat without nausea, amenorrhea, anemia, and pots syndrome, my body shut down. I developed food sensitivities and an adrenal insufficiency. My neurons began to misfire as the nutrient absorption slowed and shoots of pain and tingling ran down the back of my legs. Amid the misery, I prioritized my activities over my well-being… typical stubborn Johnson mentality. Instead of taking time to recover, I pushed myself harder. I tried to rebound back into my athletic seasons of volleyball and flag football with daily weight training, 3-hour practices, weekend traveling teams, drama, and meetings. Attending 18 credits worth of classes and tackling homework every night, I mentally drained myself. I was too stubborn to quit. Fearing the end of my community involvement, I remained dedicated to my role as an RA for a whole apartment complex, leading FCA huddles, aiding church activities, staying involved in Phi Omega Sorority, and working part-time off campus… among other random things.
There wasn’t a day that I didn’t have a busy schedule. Mentally I told myself “You are not sick; you can’t be sick… people are depending on you. You can sleep when you’re dead.”… and it worked… for a while. When I had any opportunity to rest all of the stress caught up to me: physically sick, fatigued, mentally foggy, and emotionally drained. Many of you remember the small figure I quickly became. I noticed it too, and it made me sicker. Everything I had worked for in the weight room and on the court had been taken from me. My mental state of frustration and pride continued to compound. I am blessed that people cared about me, but when I am pressed every day with “Someone get this girl a cheeseburger”, “Are you anorexic”, or “You’re too skinny”… I was emotionally defeated. They see the aftermath but I am stuck with all the history. At this stage, I had the mental mindset that I would get over it, but in reality I never would.
Naturally, my worried mother took me to a doctor to address my struggle with leg tingling and lower back pain that kept me from sitting comfortably, and we came home knowing I had a brain malformation. In 2022 I was diagnosed with an Chiari malformations (CM), the build-up of pressure in the skull that forces my brain into my spinal column… surprisingly the least of my physical problems. The doctor visits, referrals, tests, and scans, increased but the results never came with an answers it only kept me from seeing the field and the court in collge competition again. Physicians (neurologist, endocrinologist, cardiologist) had little help for us and I just continued to battle onward. So, stupidly, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, went back to work, pushed myself harder, and pretended I was fine. It worked for another year after I was fed up with doctor bills without answers. That’s where the events following January 18th, 2024 came into play. I had been working roughly 10 – 14 hours a day physically laboring for over 5 months and most mornings started at 4 or 3 am. It was a job that I enjoyed and a habit that my body grew accustomed to. I learned to ignore my health and my body, but God had a plan and a purpose in all of my pride and stubborness.
Lessons leared… the harder way: advice I have given to many and the hypocrisy I lived in. God calls us to rest in Him, not perform (Hebrews 4:9-11). He seeks for us to be still and listen not lose ourselves in the tasks of life (Ecclesiastes 2:10-11). He as asked me to wake up, read food labels, not blindly trust (Romans 12:2), become more resourceful, learn how to be a good steward, dive deeper into prayer, rely on others, and fuel my body in every aspect (Matthew 25:23).
Henceforth, the birth of this blog. Through this I have discoved many new areas of intrest and rekindled many old passions. I have started new research papers and recordings. Hoping to regain my health in a Godly way, I can not wait to share the outcomes. God chose to wake me up. He opened my eyes to what my mindset has done to me physically. There is much I need to take to Him in prayer, learn, and grow. I am not sure why, but the thought of dying encourages me… being ready for the street of gold. I know that through my faith in Jesus Christ for the redemption of my sins, I will spend eternity with God. I can’t wait for Him to call out “Well done good and faithful servant.”
With death on the mind, that leaves me with one question: “If you died today and stood before our heavenly father at the gate to eternity and His booming voice asked you “Why should I let you in?”… how would you respond?
Check your heart and your answers: Ephesians 2:8-9, John 3:16-18, Romans 10: 9-10. After reading these you will know and can have 100% confidence in your life after death and the new life you receive on this Earth. Something that truly provides joy in every circumstance.
In this journey of allowing God to heal me, I am dedicating a blog to my pursuit of new creativity, research, recipes, thoughts, and experiences. Stay Tuned.
THE LUNCHBOX 